We saw each other today
For the first time since
our last step of separation
You with your friends, and I with mine
Smiles plastered on our faces
Laughs genuine until
our presence was made known
For a minute I felt uneasy,
the next, curious.
And then the sharp pain of rejection
that I had tried to forget
I covered it up with thoughts of
my superficial advantages
hoping they would satisfy my sudden need for comfort
All the while fighting the simmering thoughts and memories of you.
I won, at least until I was alone again.
Memories burst out into my mind,
finally unleashed from behind the bars
and made it known to me
that I could not fight them this time.
They had been waiting too long.
They had cornered me.
They come at me in jagged sequence
Attacking me from all sides
rendering me useless for as long as they persist.
Being reminded of the painful times hurts.
But it gives meaning to the pain of separation.
But being reminded of the happy times is what hurts me most.
Knowing that what we once had we’ve lost.
Or that maybe we never had it in the first place.
And that now we’re at this point.
Walking on opposite sides,
in opposite directions
You with your friends,
and I with mine.
Smiles plastered on our faces,
searching for the happiness we couldn’t find in each other